Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Staaph you stupid idiots!

I got a CD in my snail mail. The first reaction was WTF a CD not seen that in a while! The second reaction, WHY?  Open the letter and got even more confused. For fuck sake why do such a lousy job! I hate to really hang out people, but in this case, I will do it. Mainly since I need to show it with pictures and then you can see who it is anyways. Also because this is so stupid that is to the line of funny. So here is what I got.

First, see that the CD is wrapped (in plastic).

So it's wrapped. As you can see there is no EAN code (barcode the thing you scan in shops). This is a classic rookie mistake. If you got the slightest chance to get into some real distribution network, not having a barcode/EAN is sure way that it will never happen.

Then we go to the letter. Right now I really don't know why I get this CD? It's in Swedish so I have to translate.

Gravejuice Entertainment Company is happy and proud to present Craterface new release, Hawaiian Hocus Pocus.

Very protective of their artistic freedom, their integrity, and extreme cheeking needs. Craterface delivers their own evolution of punk music. The result this time is fourteen hard evidence that punk is not dead or fossilized.

For more information about Craterface and Hawaiian Hocus Pocus contact: their email.

That is it. Then they have done like a classic sales note written Artist, Record number, Label and Barcode.

Yes, you read right. The rookies have a barcode. They have put it in the letter. Well, they have put it there in the graphic so small that you can't use it, and also in RGB color not monochrome. That is beyond rookie mistake.

So back to the letter. I wondered what they wanted. And after the letter, I really don't know. Doesn't say a what they want. Do they want me to sign it, distribute it, publishing it? Well, it's already printed which is not good then we can't get our logo on it. But is it released? It doesn't say any date? Well, let's check Spotify.

And in the bottom yes it's released 2017. The confusing part is that they already have new single out. But wait, if you go into the single that is released (and is not on the CD) you can easily see that is released by another company. My professional guess is that there are several bands in the world calling themselves Craterface. Which makes the whole thing Donald Trump stupid. The best part is that none of the bands has claimed the account. Also, one funny thing is that they all have 282 listeners a month and that NONE of the album songs is on the top 10 popular even though most of them have under 1000 listenings.

What is more amazing is that in the letter it clearly says that GEC is the label. Well on Spotify it says 746086 Records DK. A bit uncertain who really is the master owner.

Well, let' go back to the letter again. So they are very protective about their artistry and integrity. Well, their band name doesn't seem so protected. Then the thing around their artistry. Produce the worst sales letter this side of 1998 is not punk. Then give it out on multinational platforms, not so punk. To do a CD is really not punk any longer that is what old people do. Okay, Vinyl is still somehow a bit punk, but a CD hell no especially not with a digital form to it. Punk's not dead It just deserves to die sang Dead Kennedys and with these pinheads that are just shitting on old fine punk traditions, Jello Biafra is totally right.

So let's check the quality of the CD.

Yes, it's burned, there are no markings. So they have spent a great bunch of money to print this Digifile and then burned the product itself. Then you turn around the CD.

Yes, they have written out the copyright act on it. Now you are really pissing on the punk scene you damn bozo. The punks where against all that shit ya know! :)

Okay, all these errors and I have not listened to the music yet. I could guess their thing was that someone would write about it? They managed to do that! I mean all publicity is good publicity. But no! People that say they are punk and think they belong to something that they don't know a shit about, should not be listened to.

The whole thing makes the characters in Dumb and Dumber to be Harvard top students. At least they gave me a nice topic to write about. I don't really know what they want. Still, I won't listen to it. Why you might ask? With all these mistakes on just this release, there is no way to work with it. It would be a minefield of issues.So say hello to the final destination.

 So a lesson learned, you are better off sending us a link and a message what you want us to do for you.

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