The Nigirian letter - driveby

Yes, we are still on Nut job week! This one is partly fool, partly nutjob, but also a language barrier. Okay, it's not easy to learn the language and I'm really not good on either spelling or getting the grammar right. I'm not making fun of his spelling but it adds on the confusion.

Still, it feels like those Nigerian letters you get where they have this huge treasure that needs to be moved and you are getting quite much percentage to help them.

Of course, this is a guy that added me on Facebook out the blue and after five minutes this conversation starts.

Ali Mohammed - Bonjour

Peter - Hello

Ali Mohammed - How are you?

Peter - Good and you?

Ali Mohammed - Fine I am a musicien blue, I have a song to sell you cheaper

Peter - How much cheaper?

Ali Mohammed - You want me to tell you the price, us to have contract?

After that, he tries to call me on messenger. But hey I have no time to spend on the phone on this.

Ali Mohammed - 1000 to 700 euros

Peter - Why is the song worth that?

Ali Mohammed - I can decrease you but the song is very nice if you buy you can sell

Peter - So it not given out?

Ali Mohammed - oui oui ce nouveau, it's a new song

Peter - So why should I buy it and sell it. Why don't you sell it directly to the person that should have it?

On this, he doesn't answer so I add on

Peter - How many hits have you written before?

Ali Mohammed - I had a lot of songs if you want you can buy I sign you the contract

Peter - Has anyone bought your songs before?

Ali Mohammed - Yes, but the one I came to sell you this new, he has never been to the market

Peter - I would get a 100% of the Song?

Ali Mohammed - Yes no problème, you have to be coward and I sign you the contract, I want to sell you the song

So far I haven't heard the song. I don't really know what language it's in. So just to see what he answers I go for something totally crazy.

Peter - Is the Song in Norwegian?

Ali Mohammed - No she's touareg it's blue touareg

Then I get it. Since we are publishers I assumed that he was trying to sell a written song. No, he is trying to sell a single with an artist. A master deal not a publishing deal.

Peter - Oh it's an artist attached to the song?

Ali Mohammed - Yes of course ?

He tries again to call me. Of course, there is no point to discuss this on this stage.

Ali Mohammed - How much are you going to buy the song?

Peter - You are try sell an artist. How successful is blue touareg?

I don't know what the artist's name is. I try to look up his name, get up nothing. So my guess here is that he has a female artist called Blue Touareg. Well, it's nothing on that name, and on google yes you get a lot of pictures of the car Touareg in blue.

Peter - Does recording and mastering include in the price? Are video and pr photos included?

Ali Mohammed - no there are no photos and video this audio only, do you want to buy the song?

Peter - I can't find anything about an artist called Blue Touareg online has she released something before?

Ali Mohammed - don't worry if you don't want to buy it but it's a very nice song

Peter - I need something to compare with if the price is right

Ali Mohammed - The price is correct but as you are my friend I can decrease you must tell me your price?

I love this, it's like buying something on the bazaar in Cairo. Too bad, we can't have tea and discuss it like they do. Then I can use a Fez in my Fez collection.

Peter - A new artist has a value of zero. If it's nothing done, just a song it's a huge investment.

Ali Mohammed - it not me the new artist me I am an artist since this song which is new? I have a lot of songs

Peter - So do you have any songs on Spotify or Youtube?

Ali Mohammed - Yes, I send you the song to listen and after you buy or else?

Peter - No send the old songs first

Of course, I want to see the stats of the artist. You never know they can actually be famous in theri own country. So I wanted some numbers to look at.

Ali Mohammed - I don't understand? do you want to buy the old sound or else?

Peter - No I want to compare the numbers you have on the old song, that will show the value

Ali Mohammed - the old sound is 500 euro

Peter - okay does they already gained that amount?

Ali Mohammed - Yes several time even, Do you want to buy the old song or new?

So the old songs must be out on the market. Now I just need to get him to send a link to one of those to look at.

Peter - So where have you released something online, do you have any songs on Spotify already?

Ali Mohammed - YouTube daily motion, Do you want to buy the old song or new?

Peter - what is the things on youtube, do you have links?

Ali Mohammed - Do you want to buy the song or? I can send you song to listen or?

After like two hours messing he finally can send a link.

Peter - I don't want to buy the song if you can't send anything that you released before on Youtube or Spotify.

Ali Mohammed - type in Ali Mohammed song on Youtube.

Finally, I find something on Youtube. It's a song done with another artist so it's featuring. The sound is kind of nice. But can't really be used outside his country.

Ali Mohammed - listen and you tell me your choice

The funny part here is that I just have one song that is already given out. But though the name I managed to find and album in another spelling that was also on Spotify. The Youtube numbers were not taht bad 100 000 streams the Spotify was just 2000 to 3000 a song but it was twelve songs. Still if you taht add up it's not more then a 100 euro in streaming worth.

Peter - The streaming numbers just add up to 100 euro. I have to pass, nice video, but I won't earn the money on it.

Ali Mohammed - are you going to buy or else?

Here I'm off on another call so he becomes impatient.

Ali Mohammed - How much do you buy the song?

It has all taken six hours to get this far, so I called it a quit.

Peter - No I won't buy the song.

It all reminds me of a Nut job in the subway in Stockholm that was standing there screaming "you want to buy cassette, cheap cassetts" he was standing there all in 2000:s when I was traveling to work. Don't know what was on those cassettes. I should go back and see if he still sells the cassettes. in the end, I haven't heard the song, maybe it was a hit of a lifetime.

You must love the fools

Right now I get up to ten friends adds on Facebook each day. No, I don't count the girls with fewer clothes that always are alone home and need a male companion. Those are just listening to bad Britney pop and has a bad music taste my girlfriend tells so I erase those. I don't want people with bad music taste in my feed. The ones that are adding me are real people. It's not that I'm popular either. I guess I'm listed somewhere.

Anyway, part of these is what I call drive-by shooters. People that just add you and then five minutes later send you a song to listen to. Just reminded me of that I got one of those girls with fewer clothes playing ukelele the other day, oh well back to the subject, they send you a song but never tell you what to do with it. Okay, listen to it but what then? I have never encountered that any of them has been any good.

Then you have the ones that actually tell you what to do with the song. And sometimes it's hilarious conversations you have with them. At the same time, this is why you have professional people talking to radio as the PR person, the record label as the manger. The risk to do it by yourself is that you blew the opportunity by just open your mouth. This one came into my Cashbox radio facebook account today.

"Hi Cashpoint Radio, we’re like you, we’re also sick of corporate radio, we want radio how it used to be, so if you fancy a listen to our debut album ‘The Noise is Beautiful’ by my new band Tinkers Lane then the links are below, if you’d like the MP3’s then I’d be pleased to send them to you, just let me know. Stay safe and well
Links to
Amazon
Spotify
Appel/Itunes "

Sending links to sites where I have to pay for the music doesn't really attract me. My guess that I would go out of business in just one month to buy strange songs that not fit the station is overwhelming. The thing I love the most is that it's to "Cashpoint Radio". Still, I admire that he needed to get into the station to get our brand " How radio used to be" to be able to write that. he made a real effort. In a way, it's just writing slip. To help along I sent back

"Thank's, we actually have done a show for you. It's here and you can listen to it straight from the site. https://www.cashboxradio.ca/how-to-send-music-to-radio/ 
While you listen to that we will listen to Thinkers Bane."

To say the truth I didn't follow any of the links, Instead, I went for Youtube and found a hilarious video with rollerskating as one of their videos. The band is ok, but just because it gave me a laugh I have heard their song three times now. And started to like it, maybe I should just play that on the station anyway?

The more terrible ones are this that also got in today. Straight into my personal Facebook after adding on five minutes.

"Hi Peter, I hope you are well! My name is **** and I'm drummer of ******, alternative rock band from London/UK. I want to ask you how we can have airplay on your radio and is it possible to put our songs on daily rotation Thank you and stay safe! Link to song"

"Hello ****. Thank you for sending the song. The style is ok, but the song is not in radio format. It has a 1,12 intro is 6.06 long and are slow. That might work in playlists on Spotify but not on radio where you need quick attention. But hey feel free to send new songs when you release them."

I was, of course, trolling after a dumb answer. My guess was that he would send me another one. Of course, when I looked on the first one I quickly listened to three others they all had the same fault. The risk he had a song that fit was none. But here I took the thing that they could write a new one. I made a deal with myself to eat my girlfriends chocolate bar she left and told me not to touch, if he came back with a song that could be aired. I just felt, make my day, punk! Some normal day edge. Like just passing a fart after three days of diarrhea, normal life on the edge.

"Thanks for your message, Peter! I'll send you our debut album, 12 songs. If you like some of them for the radio I can send you mp3. A link to Spotify"

I love the fools, they really make my day, but they don't get me chocolate.